Triumph in Trials

I haven't said  much about anything going on around here the last months. For the most part I felt I just needed to listen and not speak and then at times I could have shared many things that were in my heart but didn't seem to have the right words. Since Lily has been born I have felt .... maybe speechless is the right word. Not that I stopped talking but the things that were going on deep inside I did not have the right words for.  Now I believe it's time I give thanks openly and really share what God has done. 
I let you know a few months ago that I had a normal ultrasound and things were just going much better. One of the things I didn't talk about was that during my pregnancy I was also having some issues with my heart. So I was no longer allowed to be in complete midwife care and so many things just didn't go the way "I" had planned. Not going into details with that but I just want to say now God answered prayers all the way through. There were things He wanted to talk to me about through these months. I thought many times about not making it through these things, what if my children were left without a mom? One night I had a very brief but clear vision (unless it was a dream while awake but I do know I ws not sleeping) in my room and though I couldn't figure out what it meant I felt something big was going to happen. I felt like I had gotten a glimpse of the spiritual world and maybe that was where I was going soon. I still don't know exactly why I saw this  but thinking back to that moment, it was very calm, very peaceful and maybe it was just  meant to assure me. I do know I wanted to see more. It was only an appetizer to what lays beyond what we see with our eyes. ( In sharing this I might be taking a risk on being called a nut  lol)  This is part of what I just didn't have the right words for.
Anyway, moving on I was suppose to be on heart medication through this pregnancy. At first Dr. seemed pretty set on that. I did go through a time where I was afraid not to because of how I felt. It didn't last long though. Not only were my ultrasounds cleared up and the baby looking normal I also started to feel normal again. I was on meds for maybe 2 weeks and dropped them. I got my energy back and even irregular heart beats I had at times stopped. Had a heart echo done again and no major cause for concern this time.  I felt like a hopeless case through part of this pregnancy but with God things are never hopeless even when we feel that way. He took care of everything. I now have this little miracle He is trusting us with once more and I also have my health. So I better be thankful and remind myself of these things always!
I never did forget the possibility of having a sick baby. We live in a world right now where things like that are a part of life and there are a lot of things that might happen that are painful but no matter which way things do go, I know our heavenly Father will carry us through it if we allow Him to pick us up and do so.  Everytime I doubted and feared , He slowly and gently walked me through it. He allowed me to honestly talk to him and tell him how I feel even when I knew my feelings were in the wrong and by His Spirit always took me back to a place of rest, security and love!

And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.  2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Oh give thanks to the LORD, for He is GOOD; for His loving kindness is everlasting (Psalms 107:1).

She is Here!

                                  Lily Grace  

Birthday: September 14th, 2011 (1:41pm)

Weight: 6lb 14 oz

Length 19 inches

An update

 I can't believe it is almost my due date! In many ways this has been a long difficult pregnancy and yet now it seems to just have flown by so quick again! I have had a great month or so now. Been feeling good for a while, just have the sleepless nights of contractions (probably braxton hicks) starting now. That too will pass so quickly though! God answered many prayers this pass year. He taught me a lot through the earlier months when everything seemed so complicated with this pregnancy. One of the things I had to learn to do more is trust Him and I'm still learning. So many signs this baby could come any day and yet it could be weeks if that is the appointed time. Tomorrow is Art's birthday, so that would be a good day for him or her to come surprise him:)
 Many people have asked and no we still don't know what we are having. I wanted to be surprised on the birthday. Having a hard time agreeing on names, so maybe this one  I should just decide on! =D
 We have been homeschooling all of August, so we could have a break when baby comes.
 On another note, I'm thinking about starting a new blog... a fresh start, a new look. I don't get much spare time at all for it but do like keeping one. At times when I'm really inspired it doesn't take much time to post something, but I'm not always the same.
That is all for now folks... I may have some news for you soon!
 

Our Homeschool Journey

 If you had asked me when my oldest son was in kg. what I thought about homeschooling, I would have told you it's not something I would do. I was teaching in a private school for 4 years and just thought kids need to be in school. It was during the school break that summer when God suddenly called me to do just that. I talked to Art about it and he agreed we should try it. I didn't even tell anyone else for some time what I was thinking about but started to prepare. Everytime I had doubts I went back to that moment when it became clear to me what God was calling me to do. 
 Well, it's been eight years since we started. My oldest son graduated grade eight this year and after some debating on how, when and where, we decided to celebrate that with our our kids, some family , his friends and other teachers that had been an influence in his life over the years. Had a great day of  games, food, singing, prayer, sharing memories, and a special message from unlce Aaron. (my brother)
 I'm thankful for all those that helped us out with making it possible. Kathy & Aaron for giving your home and helping organize it all and the influence you have been on James. George Fehr and Tina Fehr for putting together a very special slideshow, (I really enjoyed that) Everyone who helped out with food and also to family, the youth,  and youth leaders for celebrating with us and being a part of James' life during these important years!

A Graduation Prayer

May I live my life to praise You,

Not for fortune, nor for fame,
May everything I say and do
Bring glory to Your name.


May my eyes stay fixed upon You
As I seek the way that's pure,
Tasting Your love and goodness
Sleeping and rising secure.


Planted by Your living streams
I'll delight in all Your ways,
Hidden by Your sheltering wings
With new mercies for each day.


Even in a dangerous land
When storms threaten to destroy,
At the cross I'll stand upon the Rock
My Strength, my Hope, my Joy.


Dear Lord, show me Your favor,
At all times keep me blessed,
May Your face ever shine upon me,
With peace and perfect rest.

Amen.

-Mary Fairchild

Sisters

Sisters are different flowers from the same garden. 

Cystic Fibrosis Ruled Out!

Cystic Fibrosis seemed to be what the doctor was most certain of when it came to our baby having health problems. Though he said it could be some other things as well this seemed to be the biggest focus. For your baby to have it though the parents must carry the gene. So we decided to get the blood work done to see if we do carry it and it turns out we both don't. That means this is now not even a possibility! I guess when God told us not to worry about things, He really knew He was saying it for our own good!
This could get exciting yet! We still don't know what will happen but I it is pointless to dwell on the could bes, I haven't even seen yet!   I don't know about you but I look forward to seeing the outcome of the next few months!
On a slightly different note, slowing down is not an easy thing for me because my head is always full of ideas but right now I will be having a few slow months and focus on the things I must do and not all the things I would like to do... (definately picking me some strawberries though!:) Don't even have a garden this year like I wanted to ! Anyway it's really not that important, and things have come up that many days force me to slow down and often my day starts out pretty normal and then I seem to crash and be done. It's definately a better feeling to feel useful then how I feel on those days!  

Much to Give Thanks For!

 As I already shared with some of you the other day, I had the ultrasound and things did look better than last time. Though it wasn't all normal  yet, the doctor didn't seem nearly as concerned now and we just left with a much better feeling. We still won't know the outcome of things, but whoever does? Getting better news I believe is God's way of meeting our needs for this time.  He provided our needs in a more than one way that day!
 Going to London so often gets expensive. Even just parking was  $10.00 again and then there is always gas yet. This was one of those times where we were short on money but hoped what we had would be enough. as we were driving Art all of a suddenly sees an envelope with our name on it and found $100.00 inside with a very sweet note! I was amazed at the way God had provided beyond what I could have hoped for! Enough for parking, gas for the whole week, and a bite to eat. (which I desperately needed after sitting at the hospital for 4 hours!) May God bless the givers for that!  The couple who left it for us, (she)had a drive test appointment the same day and just (texted me) asked if I would pray that God would help her with that. I prayed that God would help her to not be nervous through it and that the person taking her would also be merciful :) I am pleased to report that she passed her test and she said she had not felt nervous like last time and also the lady had been very relaxed about everything hardly marking anything down!  God answers prayers in all kinds of ways!
 I've been very tired for the rest of this week and somedays just can't seem to do what I think I need to do, but I am so very thankful! It all continues to work out! I'm thankful for family and friends; for all the prayers! So thankful for our kids.. they continue to amaze me with their willingness to help out. And so very thankful for Art, who is going through these things too but has been very supportive to me and caring!  He has been spending like all his time with us or at work and checks in on us during his breaks from work often now and it means a lot! 

Keeping Peace Daily

 If you haven't seen my failures, you either haven't spent a day with me yet or you haven't read my blog before. But if you know me, you know I have failed often, worried unnecessarily, and questioned much.
 These last few days I  have been feeling good physically and life went on as normal. ( physically and emotionally can be pretty back and forth!) But for the most part, I have been (what is the word?) content, at peace, at ease. Something like that anyway. I see also the great things God is doing in our lives through  trials.  He sure has been good to us! The other good thing has been that when I did start to get off track and start worrying or feeling overwhelmed... I had a few friends a text message  away. So, I would send a message asking them to pray and I guess warn them in a way... going off track here, pray me back on.  (maybe  they wish they  hadn't given me their cell number already =D, though I know better than to believe that from these ladies lol.... ) Also received some encouraging messages and words  from people in other forms. As you know, or do now if you didn't, the battle within me continues to hang on to the truth God has taught me and in doing so keep that peace.
 Friday, I got a call from the doctor's office saying I have an ultrasound set for Monday (today). They want to have another look to see if there is any change  from the results they had last time.That came up a lot quicker then I expected and so I started to feel nervous again and again, had to be reminded to trust God . His grace continues to  be sufficient.
 Don't know what to expect today. My hopes of course are that all will look normal now. Either way though we need God's hand holding ours, both through hard days and days of  rejoicing. I don't want to only call on Him and be close to Him when I go through hard times but also enjoy the good times with God in the center, giving thanks to Him always.

Feel free to leave me comments here and if you prefer them to be private, just let me know and I won't publish them.

Future Preparations?

Someone was asking me today, if I had  everything ready for our baby. I had to say no... don't really have anything ready. Then I thought to myself, do I want to or should I be getting things ready? Would it be good to just prepare and in a way I guess have faith that all will be well and believe we will be needing those things. This might be hard to understand if you haven't been in a situation where you have everything ready and then you have to clean it up without ever needing it. I haven't been sitting around worrying about everything every moment. I have left it in God's hands and mostly keep my focus on one day at a time, but this  did make me question what I should be like as far as preparing for the future in the area of getting things ready for our baby. Lord willing, I have a few months to think about what I should do....praying for direction.  

Parts of two verses just came to my mind...

Philippians 4:6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Matthew 6:34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

What this says to me is that I don't need to worry about what I don't have ready ahead of time and also if I do end up having things ready, I don't need to worry about not needing those things. God will take care of us no matter what we face.

Trying to Figure Things Out

 Everything that has been going on over the last few weeks is sinking in. Even though God has been helping me through this, it seemed like I just couldn't think clearly about it all some days and things just all didn't make sense.  I decided to take some time to clear my head of the Dr.'s opinions and other people's assumptions. Always makes things harder when people start telling their own stories and filling the blanks with their own ideas.
 I was just so overwhelmed with all the information I was given, I just couldn't take it all in. From the possibilities that were described to me, I just kept thinking of our other babies that passed away, and just gave up on the thought of the Dr. being wrong. They had always been right about these things before. The way he handed me the platter felt like a death sentence.  Now I started doing more of my own research about what I was told. At first I only looked up cystic fibrosis and the knowledge didn't help me much. So I looked up the ultrasound evidences that could show this. Fetal echogenic bowel is something the Dr. mentioned. This was something he saw on the ultrasound and is convinced there could be some major problems, including cystic fibrosis and down syndrome. ( Given our history he must just think we are hopeless!) I'm not just trying to ignore everything he told me now, but I am beginning to feel as though he is saying way too much too soon from the info he has this far. From what I looked up , I do know these things could be coming, especially given our history. But I really do have to hang on to the thought that this isn't necessarily the way things will be. We go back in a few weeks to see if there are any changes in the ultrasound.
 Only God knows what is really going on at this point. He is more powerful than any gene we may carry!
I don't know what to expect and some days I do wake up with this awful uncertain feeling and I just have to give it to God daily. My thoughts and feelings might be all over the place here sometimes, but God's truth remains the same.
 Even though I don't know what will become of all this either, I have to trust in God rather than people. His will will be done.

Getting Back Up!

I write about faith and trusting God, but I also have to be honest and tell you I go through times where I crash and don't want to go doing what is right by having faith.

 Yesterday was one of those days.   As a church (being with Jesse's family) I think many had the same feelings on Saturday, from different view points. God unites us that was. As Romans 12:15-16 says, Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.  Be of the same mind toward one another.
By the time the day was done, I had mixed thought and feelings about a lot of things and I wasn't sure how to keep looking up and I went to sleep with that feeling. My thoughts went back to our own baby that night as well and on what could be coming.   Didn't think I'd go to church the next day. I prayed for God to wake me up in the morning with fresh hope. 
Wouldn't you know it, that is what he did. Not new hope where I felt better and wanted to go to church, but new hope where I wanted to go on and seek Him in all things giving thanks.
My brother Aaron was preaching and it was on prayer, and having faith. And he himself was trying to understand these things. I think many of us are going through a time where we are trying to figure this out but together we will go on trusting. The message was based on Matthew 21:22 And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive.

My heart starting pounding so hard the moment he started talking and did right through church. These verses are true in a way beyond our understanding very often but we need to remind ourselves our trials are for good, and being a christian doesn't mean we won't go through pain and we will just get whatever we want.

James 1:2-4 Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

God is working in our lives. We have been going through a lesson on holiness and trials can bring us closer to that , if we allow that instead of bitterness.

Yes, I do hope the dr. is wrong about our baby's condition or do desire healing. But maybe I just need to say where you go Lord there I go and I give myself as a living sacrafice. I will accept your will. I am too weak to continue with that mindset in the slightest, so help me Lord!

 His ways are higher than mine and he sees the bigger picture.

Happy 14th Birthday, James!

You are a big brother and the oldest of the 4  for a reason! Sometimes being the oldest isn't easy. I know because I was too and it comes with responsibility. May God give you the strength and grace to make that responsibility into something good! I pray for you every day! May God be near you in this age and the ages to come. May He fill you with his Spirit and guide you to be the man he wants you to be and to become.

Two verses I would like to share with you right now:

2 Timothy 2:22 “Have no part at all in the wrong things that young men like to do. Believe. Have love. Follow what is right. Live at peace. Do these things along with others who have a clean heart and talk to God.

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

We love you, Jamie!

Trials With Purpose

 God has a plan and a purpose for my life. I can choose to follow His plan and have things all work our for good in some way, (even when I lack understanding of it all)or I can choose to just give up and let things destroy me. I choose His plan rather than my own destruction.  More testing in this will come but his grace will remain sufficient. He wants to use me for His good plan that will go beyond earth. The struggles here really are only a little while. The older you get and the more you see happening around you, the more you realize how short this life really is.  (even though I do still consider myself very young)
 My trials right now are for a reason and I want to use this time to do what God has called me to do through all of my days. Most importantly, that is to have faith and trust in Him. Keep my eyes on the final goal and again go on singing! There are times of laughter and times of weeping... but the song can remain in our hearts in a very special way through all these things.
We were told on Monday our baby may have some serious health issues. (cystic fibrosis and maybe along with other problems that can be associated with it ) Considering our history on top of this news... already having seen 2 of our babies suffer and pass away, I didn't see any reason to think this was going to turn out better than what the doctor was describing and he tends to only give worse case scenarios.  But .... I am able to have peace, in knowing He cares for us and will be my help. (though this prooves to be a new challenge daily)Also only God really knows what is going on . Things might be very different then what Drs. are seeing at this point. Either way though, with His help and by His grace I want my life  to be used to honor Him  and to exhort others.  

Until Then, I Will Go On

There was  a song I sang with friends a while ago that I was reminded of  when I woke up. It was about singing until we reach our final goal, even through our trials and heartache. The last time we sang it, I said to God, Lord keep me singing in that way through whatever may come. I didn't know what would or will all come yet but I did mean that! Over the last few months a lot of things have come up that made it challenging to go on singing. I woke up now with a very heavy heart and honestly I don't really know how to go on. .. but again that song came to my heart, Until then I will go on singing. So I got up read it and now I have to share it with all of  you because I know I'm not the only one that goes through heartache here in this life.... And maybe through my own heartaches I can encourage someone else, instead of letting it  break me down. I will ask that you don't ask me for details of things going on at this time unless I bring it up. Here is the song I'm talking about:




My heart can sing when I pause to remember
A heartache here is but a stepping stone
Along a trail that's winding always upward,
This troubled world is not my final home.


The things of earth will dim and lose their value
If we recall they're borrowed for awhile;
And things of earth that cause the heart to tremble,
Remembered there will only bring a smile.


This weary world with all its toil and struggle
May take its toll of misery and strife;
The soul of man is like a waiting falcon;
When it's released, it's destined for the skies.


But until then my heart will go on singing,
Until then with joy I'll carry on,
Until the day my eyes behold the city,
Until the day God calls me home.

True Woman Conference

 Well, now I'm inspired to do another post on my trip to the True Woman's Conference in Indianapolis, even though this was about half a year ago.  I took in every moment of this trip and definately did not take anything for granted! The night before we left, I was so nervous about leaving the family at home. A lot of it was fear. I prayed that night, that if it was God's will for me to go that He would take my fear away and give me peace about it. I woke up early the next morning so calm and relaxed; not hesitating another moment about going! Only God could have done this in my heart at that point! I drove up with 4 other ladies and actually got to know them!  We became such good friends during this bonding time! They also ended up being my room mates when we got there! I was so comfortable with them and just really enjoyed every moment!



These sisters in the Lord will always have a special place in my life now!


Though I spent most my time with my roomates as we went to the classes and meetings..  We also had the priviledge of visiting with other ladies from church a few times. My friend Margaret was one and I love having her around too! She too is one of those people whom you can just be yourself  with and chat about almost anything.  I share these things because I am very grateful for the people God has brought into my life!

We spent most our time in classes and meetings! Heard a lot of helpful things which I want to keep applying! The prayer meetings is what really stuck with me!

First of all I have to say, Maria got a lot more meat in her sandwich then I did, and I think maybe everyone did! I didn't go look at all the (6000 and some, I think) sanwiches but did see Maria's and I do have one regret! I should have taken some of hers! :) Either way I still liked my lunch. I was very thankful for how the food was all provided. We even got to go to this snack room in the Motel when ever we wanted to eat and they had all kinds of stuff there!

I will end this post with gratitude! I am so thankful for how the Lord worked out every moment and provided everything! In saying so I think it's time to go back to my notes I took there to refresh my memory of what God taught me! There was so much, it was at times overwhelming and I think to keep applying these things is always a challenge!

Colossians 2:6-7

"As ye have therefore received Christ Jesus the Lord, [so] walk ye in him: . Rooted and built up in him, and stablished in the faith, as ye have been taught, abounding therein with thanksgiving."


  Psalm 30:11-12

"Thou hast turned for me my mourning into dancing; Thou hast loosed my sackcloth and girded me with gladness; That [my] soul may sing praise to Thee, and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give thanks to Thee forever. "

An Update (finally)

 I see my last post was about my Indianapolis trip. There would have been so much to say about the trip but just never really got the chance to do so here. I will say this, it was amazing! I will add a few pictures now and maybe one day I will share some notes I took while there.

Had a great time with wonderful friends!

ended up winning a basket ful of books!

Nancy Leigh DeMoss , one of the inspiring speakers

Joni Eareckson Toda, was unable to attend as planned because of her cancer treatments, but she left us a very touching video message!

In other news :0 however, I may as well blog this... We are having another baby! My due date is Sept. 20th. My days have been filled with appointments and feeling sick a lot , but it is getting better as far as feeling sick and not keeping food down! I am nervous at times because of problems we ran into in the past, but want to trust in God through this. We don't know the outcome to all these things but He does and takes care of our needs.