Everything that has been going on over the last few weeks is sinking in. Even though God has been helping me through this, it seemed like I just couldn't think clearly about it all some days and things just all didn't make sense. I decided to take some time to clear my head of the Dr.'s opinions and other people's assumptions. Always makes things harder when people start telling their own stories and filling the blanks with their own ideas.
I was just so overwhelmed with all the information I was given, I just couldn't take it all in. From the possibilities that were described to me, I just kept thinking of our other babies that passed away, and just gave up on the thought of the Dr. being wrong. They had always been right about these things before. The way he handed me the platter felt like a death sentence. Now I started doing more of my own research about what I was told. At first I only looked up cystic fibrosis and the knowledge didn't help me much. So I looked up the ultrasound evidences that could show this. Fetal echogenic bowel is something the Dr. mentioned. This was something he saw on the ultrasound and is convinced there could be some major problems, including cystic fibrosis and down syndrome. ( Given our history he must just think we are hopeless!) I'm not just trying to ignore everything he told me now, but I am beginning to feel as though he is saying way too much too soon from the info he has this far. From what I looked up , I do know these things could be coming, especially given our history. But I really do have to hang on to the thought that this isn't necessarily the way things will be. We go back in a few weeks to see if there are any changes in the ultrasound.
Only God knows what is really going on at this point. He is more powerful than any gene we may carry!
I don't know what to expect and some days I do wake up with this awful uncertain feeling and I just have to give it to God daily. My thoughts and feelings might be all over the place here sometimes, but God's truth remains the same.
Even though I don't know what will become of all this either, I have to trust in God rather than people. His will will be done.
4 comments:
Hi Nancy,
I looked up echogenic bowel as well and the very first website I looked at said this:
INTRODUCTION
The echogenicity of the fetal bowel is assessed during second trimester obstetrical ultrasound examination because increased echogenicity is a marker for several fetal disorders. However, most cases have no underlying abnormality and have normal outcomes.
I thought that sounded very encouraging. I know it must be very difficult to hold on to hope that all is well with your baby, since you know what it's like to get bad news.
I just keep praying about the situation. Praying for you.
I was thinking about that verse in the Psalms that mentions we are created in our Mother's womb...that we are fearfully and wonderfully made. God is creating your baby and we can trust that God doesn't make mistakes. I can't imagine what you are going through, but I will keep you in my prayers.
Tina
Thanks Saunya and Tina! No matter what the outcome of these things, God has done a miracle this the pass few weeks, in how we view things in our home and a spiritual work that is deeper than I have words for!
Hi, i like how you put your thoughts into words! How one's feelings can be all over the place, but Gods truth remains, All praise and Glory be to Him forever more!
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