Someone was asking me today, if I had everything ready for our baby. I had to say no... don't really have anything ready. Then I thought to myself, do I want to or should I be getting things ready? Would it be good to just prepare and in a way I guess have faith that all will be well and believe we will be needing those things. This might be hard to understand if you haven't been in a situation where you have everything ready and then you have to clean it up without ever needing it. I haven't been sitting around worrying about everything every moment. I have left it in God's hands and mostly keep my focus on one day at a time, but this did make me question what I should be like as far as preparing for the future in the area of getting things ready for our baby. Lord willing, I have a few months to think about what I should do....praying for direction.
Parts of two verses just came to my mind...
Philippians 4:6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
Matthew 6:34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
What this says to me is that I don't need to worry about what I don't have ready ahead of time and also if I do end up having things ready, I don't need to worry about not needing those things. God will take care of us no matter what we face.
2011/05/28
2011/05/21
Trying to Figure Things Out
Everything that has been going on over the last few weeks is sinking in. Even though God has been helping me through this, it seemed like I just couldn't think clearly about it all some days and things just all didn't make sense. I decided to take some time to clear my head of the Dr.'s opinions and other people's assumptions. Always makes things harder when people start telling their own stories and filling the blanks with their own ideas.
I was just so overwhelmed with all the information I was given, I just couldn't take it all in. From the possibilities that were described to me, I just kept thinking of our other babies that passed away, and just gave up on the thought of the Dr. being wrong. They had always been right about these things before. The way he handed me the platter felt like a death sentence. Now I started doing more of my own research about what I was told. At first I only looked up cystic fibrosis and the knowledge didn't help me much. So I looked up the ultrasound evidences that could show this. Fetal echogenic bowel is something the Dr. mentioned. This was something he saw on the ultrasound and is convinced there could be some major problems, including cystic fibrosis and down syndrome. ( Given our history he must just think we are hopeless!) I'm not just trying to ignore everything he told me now, but I am beginning to feel as though he is saying way too much too soon from the info he has this far. From what I looked up , I do know these things could be coming, especially given our history. But I really do have to hang on to the thought that this isn't necessarily the way things will be. We go back in a few weeks to see if there are any changes in the ultrasound.
Only God knows what is really going on at this point. He is more powerful than any gene we may carry!
I don't know what to expect and some days I do wake up with this awful uncertain feeling and I just have to give it to God daily. My thoughts and feelings might be all over the place here sometimes, but God's truth remains the same.
Even though I don't know what will become of all this either, I have to trust in God rather than people. His will will be done.
I was just so overwhelmed with all the information I was given, I just couldn't take it all in. From the possibilities that were described to me, I just kept thinking of our other babies that passed away, and just gave up on the thought of the Dr. being wrong. They had always been right about these things before. The way he handed me the platter felt like a death sentence. Now I started doing more of my own research about what I was told. At first I only looked up cystic fibrosis and the knowledge didn't help me much. So I looked up the ultrasound evidences that could show this. Fetal echogenic bowel is something the Dr. mentioned. This was something he saw on the ultrasound and is convinced there could be some major problems, including cystic fibrosis and down syndrome. ( Given our history he must just think we are hopeless!) I'm not just trying to ignore everything he told me now, but I am beginning to feel as though he is saying way too much too soon from the info he has this far. From what I looked up , I do know these things could be coming, especially given our history. But I really do have to hang on to the thought that this isn't necessarily the way things will be. We go back in a few weeks to see if there are any changes in the ultrasound.
Only God knows what is really going on at this point. He is more powerful than any gene we may carry!
I don't know what to expect and some days I do wake up with this awful uncertain feeling and I just have to give it to God daily. My thoughts and feelings might be all over the place here sometimes, but God's truth remains the same.
Even though I don't know what will become of all this either, I have to trust in God rather than people. His will will be done.
2011/05/15
Getting Back Up!
I write about faith and trusting God, but I also have to be honest and tell you I go through times where I crash and don't want to go doing what is right by having faith.
Yesterday was one of those days. As a church (being with Jesse's family) I think many had the same feelings on Saturday, from different view points. God unites us that was. As Romans 12:15-16 says, Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. Be of the same mind toward one another.
By the time the day was done, I had mixed thought and feelings about a lot of things and I wasn't sure how to keep looking up and I went to sleep with that feeling. My thoughts went back to our own baby that night as well and on what could be coming. Didn't think I'd go to church the next day. I prayed for God to wake me up in the morning with fresh hope.
Wouldn't you know it, that is what he did. Not new hope where I felt better and wanted to go to church, but new hope where I wanted to go on and seek Him in all things giving thanks.
My brother Aaron was preaching and it was on prayer, and having faith. And he himself was trying to understand these things. I think many of us are going through a time where we are trying to figure this out but together we will go on trusting. The message was based on Matthew 21:22 And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive.
My heart starting pounding so hard the moment he started talking and did right through church. These verses are true in a way beyond our understanding very often but we need to remind ourselves our trials are for good, and being a christian doesn't mean we won't go through pain and we will just get whatever we want.
James 1:2-4 Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
God is working in our lives. We have been going through a lesson on holiness and trials can bring us closer to that , if we allow that instead of bitterness.
Yes, I do hope the dr. is wrong about our baby's condition or do desire healing. But maybe I just need to say where you go Lord there I go and I give myself as a living sacrafice. I will accept your will. I am too weak to continue with that mindset in the slightest, so help me Lord!
His ways are higher than mine and he sees the bigger picture.
Yesterday was one of those days. As a church (being with Jesse's family) I think many had the same feelings on Saturday, from different view points. God unites us that was. As Romans 12:15-16 says, Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. Be of the same mind toward one another.
By the time the day was done, I had mixed thought and feelings about a lot of things and I wasn't sure how to keep looking up and I went to sleep with that feeling. My thoughts went back to our own baby that night as well and on what could be coming. Didn't think I'd go to church the next day. I prayed for God to wake me up in the morning with fresh hope.
Wouldn't you know it, that is what he did. Not new hope where I felt better and wanted to go to church, but new hope where I wanted to go on and seek Him in all things giving thanks.
My brother Aaron was preaching and it was on prayer, and having faith. And he himself was trying to understand these things. I think many of us are going through a time where we are trying to figure this out but together we will go on trusting. The message was based on Matthew 21:22 And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive.
My heart starting pounding so hard the moment he started talking and did right through church. These verses are true in a way beyond our understanding very often but we need to remind ourselves our trials are for good, and being a christian doesn't mean we won't go through pain and we will just get whatever we want.
James 1:2-4 Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
God is working in our lives. We have been going through a lesson on holiness and trials can bring us closer to that , if we allow that instead of bitterness.
Yes, I do hope the dr. is wrong about our baby's condition or do desire healing. But maybe I just need to say where you go Lord there I go and I give myself as a living sacrafice. I will accept your will. I am too weak to continue with that mindset in the slightest, so help me Lord!
His ways are higher than mine and he sees the bigger picture.
Happy 14th Birthday, James!
You are a big brother and the oldest of the 4 for a reason! Sometimes being the oldest isn't easy. I know because I was too and it comes with responsibility. May God give you the strength and grace to make that responsibility into something good! I pray for you every day! May God be near you in this age and the ages to come. May He fill you with his Spirit and guide you to be the man he wants you to be and to become.
Two verses I would like to share with you right now:
2 Timothy 2:22 “Have no part at all in the wrong things that young men like to do. Believe. Have love. Follow what is right. Live at peace. Do these things along with others who have a clean heart and talk to God.
Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
We love you, Jamie!
2011/05/12
Trials With Purpose
God has a plan and a purpose for my life. I can choose to follow His plan and have things all work our for good in some way, (even when I lack understanding of it all)or I can choose to just give up and let things destroy me. I choose His plan rather than my own destruction. More testing in this will come but his grace will remain sufficient. He wants to use me for His good plan that will go beyond earth. The struggles here really are only a little while. The older you get and the more you see happening around you, the more you realize how short this life really is. (even though I do still consider myself very young)
My trials right now are for a reason and I want to use this time to do what God has called me to do through all of my days. Most importantly, that is to have faith and trust in Him. Keep my eyes on the final goal and again go on singing! There are times of laughter and times of weeping... but the song can remain in our hearts in a very special way through all these things.
We were told on Monday our baby may have some serious health issues. (cystic fibrosis and maybe along with other problems that can be associated with it ) Considering our history on top of this news... already having seen 2 of our babies suffer and pass away, I didn't see any reason to think this was going to turn out better than what the doctor was describing and he tends to only give worse case scenarios. But .... I am able to have peace, in knowing He cares for us and will be my help. (though this prooves to be a new challenge daily)Also only God really knows what is going on . Things might be very different then what Drs. are seeing at this point. Either way though, with His help and by His grace I want my life to be used to honor Him and to exhort others.
My trials right now are for a reason and I want to use this time to do what God has called me to do through all of my days. Most importantly, that is to have faith and trust in Him. Keep my eyes on the final goal and again go on singing! There are times of laughter and times of weeping... but the song can remain in our hearts in a very special way through all these things.
We were told on Monday our baby may have some serious health issues. (cystic fibrosis and maybe along with other problems that can be associated with it ) Considering our history on top of this news... already having seen 2 of our babies suffer and pass away, I didn't see any reason to think this was going to turn out better than what the doctor was describing and he tends to only give worse case scenarios. But .... I am able to have peace, in knowing He cares for us and will be my help. (though this prooves to be a new challenge daily)Also only God really knows what is going on . Things might be very different then what Drs. are seeing at this point. Either way though, with His help and by His grace I want my life to be used to honor Him and to exhort others.
2011/05/10
Until Then, I Will Go On
There was a song I sang with friends a while ago that I was reminded of when I woke up. It was about singing until we reach our final goal, even through our trials and heartache. The last time we sang it, I said to God, Lord keep me singing in that way through whatever may come. I didn't know what would or will all come yet but I did mean that! Over the last few months a lot of things have come up that made it challenging to go on singing. I woke up now with a very heavy heart and honestly I don't really know how to go on. .. but again that song came to my heart, Until then I will go on singing. So I got up read it and now I have to share it with all of you because I know I'm not the only one that goes through heartache here in this life.... And maybe through my own heartaches I can encourage someone else, instead of letting it break me down. I will ask that you don't ask me for details of things going on at this time unless I bring it up. Here is the song I'm talking about:
My heart can sing when I pause to remember
A heartache here is but a stepping stone
Along a trail that's winding always upward,
This troubled world is not my final home.
The things of earth will dim and lose their value
If we recall they're borrowed for awhile;
And things of earth that cause the heart to tremble,
Remembered there will only bring a smile.
This weary world with all its toil and struggle
May take its toll of misery and strife;
The soul of man is like a waiting falcon;
When it's released, it's destined for the skies.
But until then my heart will go on singing,
Until then with joy I'll carry on,
Until the day my eyes behold the city,
Until the day God calls me home.
My heart can sing when I pause to remember
A heartache here is but a stepping stone
Along a trail that's winding always upward,
This troubled world is not my final home.
The things of earth will dim and lose their value
If we recall they're borrowed for awhile;
And things of earth that cause the heart to tremble,
Remembered there will only bring a smile.
This weary world with all its toil and struggle
May take its toll of misery and strife;
The soul of man is like a waiting falcon;
When it's released, it's destined for the skies.
But until then my heart will go on singing,
Until then with joy I'll carry on,
Until the day my eyes behold the city,
Until the day God calls me home.
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