Triumph in Trials

I haven't said  much about anything going on around here the last months. For the most part I felt I just needed to listen and not speak and then at times I could have shared many things that were in my heart but didn't seem to have the right words. Since Lily has been born I have felt .... maybe speechless is the right word. Not that I stopped talking but the things that were going on deep inside I did not have the right words for.  Now I believe it's time I give thanks openly and really share what God has done. 
I let you know a few months ago that I had a normal ultrasound and things were just going much better. One of the things I didn't talk about was that during my pregnancy I was also having some issues with my heart. So I was no longer allowed to be in complete midwife care and so many things just didn't go the way "I" had planned. Not going into details with that but I just want to say now God answered prayers all the way through. There were things He wanted to talk to me about through these months. I thought many times about not making it through these things, what if my children were left without a mom? One night I had a very brief but clear vision (unless it was a dream while awake but I do know I ws not sleeping) in my room and though I couldn't figure out what it meant I felt something big was going to happen. I felt like I had gotten a glimpse of the spiritual world and maybe that was where I was going soon. I still don't know exactly why I saw this  but thinking back to that moment, it was very calm, very peaceful and maybe it was just  meant to assure me. I do know I wanted to see more. It was only an appetizer to what lays beyond what we see with our eyes. ( In sharing this I might be taking a risk on being called a nut  lol)  This is part of what I just didn't have the right words for.
Anyway, moving on I was suppose to be on heart medication through this pregnancy. At first Dr. seemed pretty set on that. I did go through a time where I was afraid not to because of how I felt. It didn't last long though. Not only were my ultrasounds cleared up and the baby looking normal I also started to feel normal again. I was on meds for maybe 2 weeks and dropped them. I got my energy back and even irregular heart beats I had at times stopped. Had a heart echo done again and no major cause for concern this time.  I felt like a hopeless case through part of this pregnancy but with God things are never hopeless even when we feel that way. He took care of everything. I now have this little miracle He is trusting us with once more and I also have my health. So I better be thankful and remind myself of these things always!
I never did forget the possibility of having a sick baby. We live in a world right now where things like that are a part of life and there are a lot of things that might happen that are painful but no matter which way things do go, I know our heavenly Father will carry us through it if we allow Him to pick us up and do so.  Everytime I doubted and feared , He slowly and gently walked me through it. He allowed me to honestly talk to him and tell him how I feel even when I knew my feelings were in the wrong and by His Spirit always took me back to a place of rest, security and love!

And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.  2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Oh give thanks to the LORD, for He is GOOD; for His loving kindness is everlasting (Psalms 107:1).

Until Then, I Will Go On

There was  a song I sang with friends a while ago that I was reminded of  when I woke up. It was about singing until we reach our final goal, even through our trials and heartache. The last time we sang it, I said to God, Lord keep me singing in that way through whatever may come. I didn't know what would or will all come yet but I did mean that! Over the last few months a lot of things have come up that made it challenging to go on singing. I woke up now with a very heavy heart and honestly I don't really know how to go on. .. but again that song came to my heart, Until then I will go on singing. So I got up read it and now I have to share it with all of  you because I know I'm not the only one that goes through heartache here in this life.... And maybe through my own heartaches I can encourage someone else, instead of letting it  break me down. I will ask that you don't ask me for details of things going on at this time unless I bring it up. Here is the song I'm talking about:




My heart can sing when I pause to remember
A heartache here is but a stepping stone
Along a trail that's winding always upward,
This troubled world is not my final home.


The things of earth will dim and lose their value
If we recall they're borrowed for awhile;
And things of earth that cause the heart to tremble,
Remembered there will only bring a smile.


This weary world with all its toil and struggle
May take its toll of misery and strife;
The soul of man is like a waiting falcon;
When it's released, it's destined for the skies.


But until then my heart will go on singing,
Until then with joy I'll carry on,
Until the day my eyes behold the city,
Until the day God calls me home.

Meek and Quiet Spirit - study

I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. Romans 12:1-2

Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ. Philippians 1:6


Seeking God and praying he will continue to do a work in me to make me more like Jesus! When I am weak , He is strong! I need His help to continue on homeschooling and to love the way He loved.

Out With the Old, In with the New

This pass year has been a spiritual challenge for me. A battle I will say, with overcoming fears and doubts and working through the challenges that come with teaching. In the midst though are also many encouraging, joyous moments with Jesus and His blessings.

The last few days of 2009 were very tough for me, and I had a hard time looking beyond the hard days. As 2009 turned to 2010 and everyone was saying Happy New Year and counting their blessings I couldn't seem to get enthusiastic about it all. I felt so guilty for my feelings and knew better then to be this way. I wasn't even sure what to pray, so all I could do is ask for God's mercy in this time.

This morning I was reading and looking for some ways to to teach again next week. I came across 2 Corinthians 5:17-19 and it was a good reminder for me.

" Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new. Now all things are of God, who has reconciled us to Himself through Jesus Christ, and has given us the ministry of reconciliation, that is, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not imputing their trespasses to them, and has committed to us the word of reconciliation. "

2009 is over and so are the struggles of the past. I need to now look at what is today and think on the good God has in store for me. I need to put my focus on the purpose and plans He has for me, and get busy with the work He is asking me to do in 2010.His grace will be sufficient once again. He will never leave us!

Each step I take my Saviour leads me on. Some steps I will be carried right through and some I will have to walk up hill as He leads.

Still Seeking Him

“Your worst days are never so bad that you’re beyond the reach of God’s grace. And your best days are never so good that you’re beyond the need of God’s grace.”
Don’t know if you can put it any better way than that! I need God’s grace everyday of my life.I need God’s grace right now to deal with diappointment. There were a few things I just don’t quite know how to handle as I go through it. I am encouraged this morning that His grace is sufficient. Sometimes it’s just a matter of keeping our eyes on Him instead of other people or things.Also, we need to humble ourselves in order to receive His grace.Our kids have chores and other expectations in our home. Sometimes they may think that what they have to do is too hard. We know that it is good for them to learn from it and good for their character so they don’t get a choice in these little things. When they are all finished they might even see, hey that wasn’t so bad or they may be glad they learned something new.Our struggles are the same way. We may not like going through them, but God already has a bigger picture in mind and He knows what is good for us.After you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace , who has called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm and strengthen, and establish you. 1 Peter 5:10

Where to Turn?

I wanted to share some “thinkings” I had through the night. I was up with kati-Lyn pretty much the whole night because her mouth is full of blisters and she was in a lot of pain. It seems with her in the last year it just goes from one thing to another.
As I was trying to soothe her no matter what I did, it all didn‘t help. I got thinking how even though there isn’t anything I can do, I could never just leave her there crying and go to bed. As a mom we have that compassion for our kids! I have watched our kids suffer quite a lot I would say. The most severe being our 2 boys that passed away, through their time of breathing difficulty. David would turn completely blue and then suddenly take that breath again. Aj was never able to eat at all and was too weak to move. In both cases there wasn’t anything we could do to help, but we could never leave there side! Emily had cast on both her legs all the way to her hips for the first few months of her life and I remember those painful times well. Her legs had been bent to a position she wasn’t born with, before the cast were put on. Then there are all the ear infections and teething. I am not saying all this to complain and I will get to my point here. We as parents can not ignore the suffering of our children, no matter how big or how small. When they hurt we hurt. We always want what is best for them.
So then, how does our Heavenly Father feel through our times of hurt. There are pains we will go through in this life because we do live in a world that has been touched by the devil. Often the suffering here is because of what man has done. Like children suffering because of wars, abuse of little ones and rape, the 9/11, was that not the devils work? Shootings in schools and the list goes on. These are all things that get everyones attention. This is when people start asking, if there is a God why does He allow these things to happen? A good God would prevent this. Isn’t it funny how the world wants to push God out of the way. The world wants to live without any morals, and be free to do whatever makes them feel good for the moment. Rather that be hurting others and God along the way or not. The world does not have time for our creator. Our countries want things like abortion and gay marriages to be legal but then when awful things happen people will say “where is God in this?”
God had the best for us. Even in a fallen world we can live for Him and raise families the way He intended. However, he did not make us as puppets who are forced to do exactly as He says! We are free to choose His will or continue along the road of destruction. If we look around us we can clearly see there is much hatred and sin in this world. But if we look to God, He has a much better way for us and He will guard His angels over us. No as long as we live here we will not get away from the suffering , sickness and pains that has come into this world. If we look to Jesus as our Lord and Savior though, He will walk us through it and eventually take us to a special place he is preparing for us right now! Praise be to God for He is good and will help us get through what the devil destroyed. He does not walk away and ignore our pains! And he is able to fix our messes but he only will when we surrender to His will. He offers His help to each individual, every family, every body of believers, every country and yes the whole world but sadly its been rejected far and wide!

Bible Passages:

We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way (Isaiah Ch 53 verse 6).

The man without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned. (1 Corinthians Ch 2 verse 14).

Therefore, just as sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin, and in this way death came to all men, because all sinned (Roman Ch 5 verse 12).

The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace; the sinful mind is hostile to God. It does not submit to God's law, nor can it do so. (Romans Ch 8 verses 6 & 7)

Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God's one and only Son.....believes in the Son has eternal life, but whoever rejects the Son will not see life, for God's wrath remains on him." (John Ch 3 verses 18 & 36

Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. (Matthew Ch 10 verse 28)

Encouraged

I am greatly encouraged today to keep on serving God. This is not because it is easy or that I am so good at it, but because it is so wonderful to walk with Jesus. I realize that when you give your life to Him and you maybe do things that don't make any sense to the human mind, you will be persecuted. Sometimes people will try to hurt you and even falsely accuse you. That is exactly what happened to Jesus. It is hard when what God has so clearly shown you, you see how much it annoys some. And not because you have said something about it to someone but because of the choices you make in how you live it out. You might even loose close friends and family will try to avoid you. I know this last while, have noticed things in that area I wouldn't have exspected.

Today, I press on and I am so excited about having Jesus as the savior of my sinful self. There are so many areas, I have a lot to learn and need grace and strength everyday.

Jesus said, to let our lights shine before man so that they will see our good works and glorify our Father in heaven. There is no light within me unless Jesus lights it. I pray He will brighten the light within me a little brighter each day.

Happy Thanksgiving

I don't always realize how much I have to be thankful for everyday. God is with us and cares for us... That alone is reason to be thankful, no matter what the circumstances. As I am writing, I realize how many prayers God has answered in my life. I need to remember where I was just a few years back yet and what God has done since then. Many times I was broken and my faith seemed so weak . I believed in Him though and He heard. God answered and took over, when I let go and allowed Him do the work.

I want to continue to rely on Him for all things and serve Him. Everyday is a new day and each day I must let go and let Him.

I thank God for being so faithful and loving us.

Doing God's Will in all Circumstances

After John's death:

    "When Jesus heard it, He departed from there by boat to a deserted place by Himself. But when the multitudes heard it, they followed Him on foot from the cities  And when Jesus went out He saw a great multitude; and He was moved with compassion for them, and healed their sick. When it was evening, His disciples came to Him, saying, "This is a deserted place, and the hour is already late. Send the multitudes away, that they may go into the villages and buy themselves food."    But Jesus said to them, "They do not need to go away. You give them something to eat."
John 14:13-16

Jesus often went on his own to pray and seek the will of His Father and sometimes we need to do that, too. What stood out to me in these verses today was that after John's death, it seems that Jesus wanted some time on His own. The news must have been heart breaking for Him. However quiet time didn't work out for Him since He was followed. He then went right back to helping people.
 As women we can often get very overwhelmed by the business of life. Often it seems we are needed in too many places at once.  Juggling family, all the chores, errands outside of home, homeschooling, appointments ( the list could go on ) will sometimes leave us exhausted! You add a sick child to that or maybe being sick ourselves, financial hardships, broken appliances or vehicle  and it might feel like chaos and hopeless at times. How we react in whatever our circumstances may be a challenging test...  A test that we may often fail in, but lets think of it as a test we want to pass. To do well on a test requires studying an taking in knowledge. To pass this test during challenges requires the same. We need to study God's word, which will fill us with His Spirit / way of thinking. What is in the heart will eventually show on the outside. If we fill our hearts with good, good will come from it.... if we don't we will not have the strength that He gracefully gives us as we need.

If you are having a day where you feel out of control, overwhelmed and exhausted, take a moment to yourself (in the bathroom may work) Ask God to help you start over, turn on some soft music, go gives your kids or husband a hug and do the thing set before you one thing at a time.  Maybe God  isn't asking you to do quite as much as you think you need to do but just do what you are able to. And if you do come out of the bathroom to what seems like chaos with needs everywhere you look, remember what Jesus did in this story. He continued to serve even though He too was exhausted.... this too shall pass!

Shattered Glass

I come from many broken pieces. Like a glass that has shattered into little bits. It would seem like there is no way to fix it. Humanly all that can be done is sweep it up and throw it away. That is me, without Jesus. I would not be redeemable or fit for any space.

I was a baby at one time but I grew up and along the way, life became rough and unstable. There wasn`t any security in this world it seemed, and it was enough to break me. I wanted to be fixed, I wanted to be whole again. I tried to put myself back together, but no matter how I tried it did not work. A hopeless case I was. So why not, sweep me up and be done with me? Jesus IS the only answer to that. He wanted to keep me, just as He wants to keep everyone. He began a work, with much patience, I have to say. With Jesus all things are possible.
I am not a clear, shiny window yet. He is still putting in pieces everyday. His work in me isn`t finished. One day... he will come and take me home and then I shall be whole, clear without a crack. Untill then I ask, Jesus please keep working in me.
The road seems long and our hearts will ache at times. Jesus is able to take our burdens and give us rest, as He promised.

Anthony Loves Jesus!

This evening Jamie started talking about things that scared him. I encouraged him to trust in Jesus and that we are safe . Well this led to so many questions and topics about God, I wouldn't know where to begin to tell you all the details! One of the things the boys started talking about was their 2 brothers that went to heaven. They wondered what they were doing in heaven and so on. Anthony said he wanted to go to heaven one day too, but not without us . He said we should all go at the same time.
He then started asking me about how we can go to heaven and not to a bad place. I asked him if he thought he was good enough to go to heaven and at first he said yep! I'm always good. So I asked him if he never fought with his brother, or lost his temper... things like that. He wasn't so convinced anymore that he was good enough! So I explained to him that we all had sin in our hearts, and that was why Jesus died for our sins, to wash us from our sin. We had talked about this before and he had said before that he wanted Jesus to be his saviour, but today it really sunk in and he understood why Jesus was his savior, and he wanted Jesus to be in his heart! He loves Jesus and wants to serve him and tell people all about him he said. This is the most important thing in life and so precious in children!
I pray for our kids that God will direct their paths and that they will all serve our Lord throughout their life!

"For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast."

Ephesians 2:8-9

For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

John 3:16

~Nancy~