I let you know a few months ago that I had a normal ultrasound and things were just going much better. One of the things I didn't talk about was that during my pregnancy I was also having some issues with my heart. So I was no longer allowed to be in complete midwife care and so many things just didn't go the way "I" had planned. Not going into details with that but I just want to say now God answered prayers all the way through. There were things He wanted to talk to me about through these months. I thought many times about not making it through these things, what if my children were left without a mom? One night I had a very brief but clear vision (unless it was a dream while awake but I do know I ws not sleeping) in my room and though I couldn't figure out what it meant I felt something big was going to happen. I felt like I had gotten a glimpse of the spiritual world and maybe that was where I was going soon. I still don't know exactly why I saw this but thinking back to that moment, it was very calm, very peaceful and maybe it was just meant to assure me. I do know I wanted to see more. It was only an appetizer to what lays beyond what we see with our eyes. ( In sharing this I might be taking a risk on being called a nut lol) This is part of what I just didn't have the right words for.
Anyway, moving on I was suppose to be on heart medication through this pregnancy. At first Dr. seemed pretty set on that. I did go through a time where I was afraid not to because of how I felt. It didn't last long though. Not only were my ultrasounds cleared up and the baby looking normal I also started to feel normal again. I was on meds for maybe 2 weeks and dropped them. I got my energy back and even irregular heart beats I had at times stopped. Had a heart echo done again and no major cause for concern this time. I felt like a hopeless case through part of this pregnancy but with God things are never hopeless even when we feel that way. He took care of everything. I now have this little miracle He is trusting us with once more and I also have my health. So I better be thankful and remind myself of these things always!
I never did forget the possibility of having a sick baby. We live in a world right now where things like that are a part of life and there are a lot of things that might happen that are painful but no matter which way things do go, I know our heavenly Father will carry us through it if we allow Him to pick us up and do so. Everytime I doubted and feared , He slowly and gently walked me through it. He allowed me to honestly talk to him and tell him how I feel even when I knew my feelings were in the wrong and by His Spirit always took me back to a place of rest, security and love!
And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
Oh give thanks to the LORD, for He is GOOD; for His loving kindness is everlasting (Psalms 107:1).
